Eric's Blog About Books- Issue #4- Diplomacy

I have decided, since the game of Diplomacy has ruled my imagination for the past few days, that it shall be the subject of my blog. It's not a book, so technically it has no place in my Blog About Books, but it's my blog and I'll do what I want with it. Besides, Eric's Blog About Boardgames Which Require Cunning, Strategy, Deceit, and Mutual Trust would be far too blocky to use as a title. Anyway, your average game of Diplomacy contains more suspense and drama than any three thrillers, so I feel it fits with the general idea of Blog About Books. After all, when boiled down, stories are simply a group of characters who desperately want something, and have to plow through, pull down, or dodge all of the obstacles in between them and what they want, and by that criteria, Diplomacy is the ultimate story.

Diplomacy is a strategy board game created in 1954 and published in 1959. Seven players, each in control of one European country and three units, are all vying for control of Europe. The thing is: if one unit from, say, France attacks one unit from Germany, the result is nothing, they bounce off and nothing is gained by either side. So you either need to focus all three off your units on one or two of theirs, which leaves you open to the other players around you, or you must form an alliance with your neighbors to help you attack them, in exchange for your help somewhere else. No player can win or even significantly advance without working in concert with other players, and then betraying them at the opportune time. And, of course, they are all waiting to backstab you as well.

The rules are astonishingly simple for such a complex game. They can be found here: http://www.playdiplomacy.com/help.php

A brief summary of the rules: before the game starts, all the players talk with each other, form alliances, plan on who to target, and generally recreate the intrigue of the old Byzantine Empire. Then they all submit their moves to the Gamemaster, who then inputs the information on the board. Meaning, it's not turn based like chess or risk, everyone moves simultaneously. Everyone sees where everyone else chose to move, which country is getting tarred by which neighbors, whose armies were forced out of where. Then the plotting begins anew, and they move again. Lather, rinse, repeat until one country dominates.

When I first found out about this wonderful game which seemed tailor-made for my personality, I was determined to play it. I went to the game site in the link above, signed up, and am now in the starting rounds of a game, playing as England. To give you a glimpse of how exciting this game can be, let me give you a recap of the game so far.

I look at my position on the board, and immediately determined that France was going to be a problem. He was blocking my immediate entry into the European mainland, and if he went south to the Iberian peninsula he could cut off my ships from the Mediterranean, potentially crippling my expansion. France needed to go down, and fast. I sent a message to Italy, asking him if he would mind moving an army to the borders of France if I attacked, then considered the board further. I messaged Russia and Germany, who along with me have access to Scandinavia, asking if we could divide it up equally and then all three of us move south, assured that we wouldn't have problems with the other two quite yet. Germany and I then plotted on how to overwhelm France in a sudden assault, by which time Italy had messaged us both and was in on the plan. I messaged France to lure him into a false sense of security, using a vaguely worded plan to demilitarize the English channel (meaning, neither one of us moves into there) while offering future support against Germany.

I messaged Russia and requested that, since Germany wasn't going to be a problem, he might focus on Austria, since a weakened Austria would allow Italy to focus on France.

Around this time France got back to me, and bought an excuse I made that I was going to have to enter the English Channel, but that I would move away as soon as I could. I was in fact, going to use it to ferry troops directly into the heartland of France.

I saw the plan in my head then- France, trying to fend off my ships in the English channel, German forces in burgundy, and with an Italian army pressing on the southern flank. It was beautiful. I nip in and seize Brest and Paris, Germany gets Belgium and Holland, Italy gets Marseilles. Then an outnumbered Italy and I battle it out over who gets Spain and Portugal. Yessss...

We all submitted our orders and held our breath. From the start, France saw Italy and Germany on his borders and was intimidated enough to accept my help. I would, according to the plan I gave him, land an army in Belgium and support him against German aggression, so he agreed not to move his army there. His troops in Brest had already moved south and were en route to Portugal. they could have caused trouble for me by moving back to Brest and bouncing me, but France knows I'm on his side. Meanwhile, I tell Germany to move into Belgium, because I had made sure it would be free for the taking. On the southern front, across the board from me, Turkey was playing it safe and holing up, while Russia and Austria were about to duke it out on about equal terms, leaving Italy more or less free to move against France some more.

After France falls, I must find a way to call Russia off of Austria so Austria can put pressure on Italy right when he's fighting me. Meanwhile, I must also keep myself on Germany's good side, make sure he gains more territory by not backstabbing me. After all, it is possible to have a two or three way win. Why not maintain such a mutually beneficial alliance? Perhaps I should get Germany and I together and hit Russia in the north, after France inevitably falls? That would take Russia off of Austria. I claim St. Petersburg to maintain my dominance on the seas while Germany takes Sweden...

And all the while I must keep vigilant, make sure no anti-English coalition arises, make sure Germany or Russia doesn't suddenly sweep the North Atlantic from me and threaten my homeland...

Keep in mind, all that intrigue has taken place over one turn. Each piece on the board has moved only one time.

The average game of Diplomacy lasts about fifteen turns.

I love this game!

Update: Just found out Russia and possibly Germany have built fleets and are now capable of wiping me out. Do I believe Germany's assurances that his fleet at least is no threat, and so ally with him against Russian aggression, or can I possibly reconcile with France to back each other into midgame? I don't know! This game wouldn't be fun if I was assured of victory on my very first game!

King's Canyon

So we recently went on an amazing camping trip with the college group in King's Canyon. We shared delicious meals, beautiful scenery, long hikes, and fun times! We discarded basic rules of hygiene, got eaten alive by mosquitos (some of us), and had some close encounters with deadly and poisonous wildlife. In short, it was the quintessential camping trip. Here's some proof:

Eric's Blog About Books- Issue #3- John Dies at the End

John Dies at the End is the most horrifying, paranoia-inducing, soul-searing novel I have ever read. It's also pretty hilarious. Author David Wong manages to juggle stomach-churning terror and crude jokes without diluting either, so it never becomes a comedic novel about the supernatural nor a horror novel with comic relief (if you can follow that).

The concept of the novel is rather difficult to explain. That is, it's easy to give a general description of what happens, but when you just say it, it sounds kinda stupid. (I'm sure David Wong would agree with me on this one- he's refered to this book as "my retarded horror story.") You just don't get the same sense of latent horror by describing the situation as you do by reading it. None the less, I'll try. The basic plot is this: two slackers, Dave and the titular John, are at a party when John takes a new drug called Soy Sauce that allows normal humans to percieve and interact with the supernatural. Not the fun kind of supernatural, where all the wizards and vampires and werewolves act just like humans but with superpowers such as Harry Potter, Twilight, and so on. I'm talking about the H. P. Lovecraft kind of supernatural, where you find more and more evidence showing that the normal world is a fragile and broken delusion, where eldritch horrors, corruption, and the fear of the night reign supreme. I apologize for the melodrama of the last sentence, but something about this genre draws out the drama queen in me. After John takes the Soy Sauce and Dave is involuntarily exposed to it as well, they are drawn unwillingly into a fight against an other dimensional invasion by a elder god(ish) called Korrok, who has the sense of humor of an unsophisticated 13 year old boy.

Also, in between fighting various meat monsters, shadow men, resurrected neonazis, there's lots and lots of jokes. And there all crude, and about 98% of them are hilarious.

Unfortunately, no one can be told what John Dies at the End is. You have to see it for yourself.

Selected quotes:

" 'How does somebody get into this?' [she asked.]
'There was an incident,' [John] said. 'A series of incidents, I guess. A dead guy, another dead guy. Some drugs. It's kind of a long story. Now we can see things. Sometimes. I have a dead cat that follows me around, wondering why I never feed it. Oh, and I had one hamburger that started mooing when I ate.' He glanced at me. 'You remember that?'
I grunted, said nothing...
'I call it Dante's Syndrome,' John said. I had never heard him call it any such thing. "Meaning, I think Dave and I gained the ability to look into Hell. Only it turns out Hell is right here, it's all through us and around us and in us like the microbes the swarm through your lungs and guts and veins. Hey, look! An owl!'
We all looked. It was an owl, alright."

"Now, I wasn't there, so this story is hearsay. If you know John, you'll take the details for what they're worth. Please also remember that, where John claims to have 'gotten up at three thirty' to perform this investigation, it was far more likely he was still up and somewhat drunk from the night before."

Dave, talking to a reporter:
" 'Do you ever go to the bathroom late at night, Arnie, and for a second, just a split second, you glimpse something in the mirror other than your reflection? Then you turn the light on and, of course, everything's fine again. But for just half a second, maybe while you were leaving the room, you see out of the corner of your eye that isn't you in the mirror. Or maybe it is you, only changed? And what's looking back at you is something completely different? Something not very human?'
'Let's go back inside, okay? Your story was more interesting.'
'You're going to die, Arnie. Someday, you will face that moment. Regardless of what you believe, at that moment you will either face complete nonexistence, which is something you can't possibly imagine, or you will face something even stranger that you also can't possibly imagine. On an actual day in the future, you will be in the unimaginable, Arnie. Set your mind on that.'
Silence, for a few seconds. Arnie nodded a little.
'Okay.'
'Now, without turning your head, look at the box.'
Arnie did, recoiled, stumbled and finally fell on his ass.
'Oh, [shoot]!' he gasped. '[Shoot]!! What was the [shoot] is that?' "
(Seeing as this is a churchish blog, I edited the last for language. It hits harder with the profanity.)
I hope I managed to give you a feel for the book. Very few books can claim to have scare me, but this one most definitely succeeds. If you find any artistic value in genuine horror, and have any affection for the cruder side of humor, then this book is tailor made for you.